On The First Day Of Christmas

My True Love Gave To Me...

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... A Steaming Turd Under The Christmas Tree.

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For The Wine Lover

*Christmas Gift Ideas*

If you are still trying to figure out

what to get that special someone

on your Christmas list,

I aim to help you. 

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For the month of December

I will be giving you gift ideas. 

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I will be starting with a perfect gift

 for that wine lover on your list.

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"The Happy Man Bottle Stopper"

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Product Features:

Can you guess why this chap is so happy!? 

Remarkably he fits perfectly into the top of a bottle! 

And he is happy to wait there until thirst strikes again.

Perfect for plugging bottles at parties!

A fun and novel bottle stopper 

A great gift for girls (and ten percent of the male population)

Fits most wine and spirit bottles

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Can be purchased at: www.drinkstuff.com

It only costs $7.68

They Really Work

I ordered a pair of those X-ray Specs 

that were advertised on the back of a comic book 

and taped them to the front of my camera. 

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They work pretty good, don't you think?

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Jewel's Hands

For complete lyrics to 

Jewel's "Hands" 

click here.

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Before And After

Before

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After

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You Dirty Bird ...

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Thanksgiving is the only time

 you can get away

 with saying these things

 in front of your Mom!

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1. Talk about a huge breast!

2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.

3. It’s Cool Whip time!

4. If I don’t undo my pants, I’ll burst!

5. Whew, that’s one terrific spread!

6. I’m in the mood for a little dark meat.

7. Are you ready for seconds yet?

8. Its a little dry, do you still want to eat it?

9. Just wait your turn, you’ll get some!

10. Don’t play with your meat.

11. Just spread the legs open and stuff it in.

12. Do you think you’ll be able to handle all these people at once?

13. I didn’t expect everyone to come at once!

14. You still have a little bit on your chin.

15. How long will it take after you stick it in?

16. You’ll know it’s ready when it pops up.

17. Wow, I didn’t think I could handle all of that!

18. That’s the biggest one I’ve ever seen!

19. How long do I beat it before its ready?

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Turkey Day

La, La, La, He, He, He

Little did the dog know 

that later the cat would move its dog house

 way out west 

and put him on a very short chain.

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Little did the cat know

 that centuries later, 

the dog would control casino gambling

 and take all of the cat's money. 

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Does anyone get the title reference?

 I doubt you will.

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What Is More Fun; Wigflip or a Flying Toupee?

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I found a new website called wigflip. It has these great tools that help you make graphics to use on your webpage. Go and play. It is really fun. You will be seeing posts that have stuff from there on here. 

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Made with "Easystreet"

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Made with "Speech Bubble"

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Made with "Tiny Tags"

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Made with "Superstickies"

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Go to http://wigflip.com/.

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Copy Cats

Imitation is the best flattery.

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They can try all the want, 

but there will only ever be ONE Spaghetti Cat.

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WWJBS: Who Would Jesus Bitch Slap

I've heard of being Gobsmacked 

but never Godsmacked.

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We only have 55 more days to kick this sucker around

 and then hopefully he'll fade off into the woodwork.

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Thanks For The Mammaries.

My favorite part of 

Thanksgiving Dinner is when

Grandma brings her 

"Pumpkin Rolls"

 to the table.

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Thank God It Was Only 37 Cents A Pound...

Does anyone have

 a very large roasting pan

 I can borrow?

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Wonder Woman: Hero Worship

It is always disheartening 

to meet your hero 

and the reality 

just doesn't match up

 with the fantasy.

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The Fashion Police Were Right ...Censored By Me!!!

Horizontal Stripes DO make you look fat. 

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I removed the picture from this post 

because I decided that making fun

 of some random overweight guy

 on the street wasn't funny. 

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I replaced the image 

with a picture of 

the now world famous 

Spaghetti Cat.

Enjoy!

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Ever Have A Baaaad Hair Day? ...

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Spot The Differences: Answers

Window In Door

Blacked Out Tooth

Eye Glasses

Missing Finger

Extra Foot Pedal

I Wonder?

Spot The Differences

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Can you find 5 differences in the two pictures?

Click on Picture for enlarged view.

Answers coming on Saturday.

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Yes, We See You.

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“This is pretty amusing. After actively campaigning to end the right to marriage for a large group of people, including donating money, blackmailing businesses, and turning the issue into a religious crusade, people are absolutely mortified to find out to be publicly associated with the cause. There is, after all, a reason the Klan wears hoods.

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Here is a pro-tip: If you do not want to be called a bigot or to be associated publicly with bigotry, stop spending so much of your time and money advancing bigotry.” 

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— John Cole at http://www.balloon-juice.com/

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For Christ's Sake, Mom!

Did you forget something, 

when you left the house this morning?

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Old Is When ...

“OLD” IS WHEN…..

Your sweetie says, “Let’s go upstairs and make love,” and you answer, “Honey, I can’t do both!”

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“OLD” IS WHEN…..
Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you’re barefoot.

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“OLD” IS WHEN…..
A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.

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“OLD” IS WHEN…..
Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

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“OLD” IS WHEN…..
You don’t care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don’t have to go along.

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“OLD” IS WHEN…..
You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.

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“OLD” IS WHEN…..
“Getting a little action” means I don’t need to take any fiber today.

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“OLD” IS WHEN…..
“Getting lucky” means you find your car in the parking lot.

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“OLD” IS WHEN…..
An “all-nighter” means not getting up to pee.

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Life Lessons

Some days, you're the dog,

Some days, you're the chew toy.

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Mommy's Little Toy Box

I Want This

A new feature will be added to the blog. 

Label: I Want This

An odd array of things that strike my fancy.

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Tee Shirt available at: 

www.chickenmonstershop.com

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Size Does Matter ...

It's All Just A Little Bit Of History Repeating...

"Those who cannot remember the past

 are condemned to repeat it"

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George Santayana - 1905

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Mav's Traveling Carnival

Celebration Time!!!

We have had visitors from every state 

and also the District of Columbia, Guam and Puerto Rico.

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We had a visitor from the Meridian, Idaho area.

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click quarter for more info on Idaho

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We had a visitor from Riga, Latvia.

that takes us to 79 countries or territories.

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click on Latvia Flag for more information.

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